Failed

Theran is dead now, by my hand.

He came upon me and Nemeiah in Orgrimmar, and proceeded to attack her. He was acting much like he had when I saw him last in Thunder Bluff. I tried, but failed to guard Nemeiah from harm... Theran punched her hard in the face, and then broke her leg. I became enraged. Nemeiah had done nothing to him, or me, to deserve this, so I swung my hammer at him, and knocked him into the pond.

A friend of Nemeiah's came to her aid, and suggested I find a druid, or shaman to tend to Nemeiah's injuries - An'she's light and the Holy Light would mend her wounds, but also cause her great pain. Fortunately, Etamalgren was nearby. While he tended to Nemeiah, Theran crawled from the pond, dazed. Smoke poured from the door on his back. I approached him, still angry. I wanted him to pay for what he had done... but... I did not expect him to ask me to end his life. He regained his senses again, for the moment, and said that he felt his time had come.

I have brought his body to the tribe's graveyard, and asked Kazak'guul to lay him to rest. Nemeiah has said she will pray for him, for the Light to soothe his spirit. I pray as well, that the Earth Mother will have mercy on him, and that he returns to her.

I do not know how I feel, now. I am upset, for I am responsible for the death of one I had called brother, one who has helped me to become who I am today. But, I am still angry, at him for his actions, and myself, for my inaction. I failed to protect my friend from harm... she could have been killed and I would not have been able to save her.

Listening to the Wind

The tribe's first lesson in spirit walking was last night. Pipiltin led us through the lesson, and joining me in learning was Urukha, Zeyda'lei, Kazak'guul, and Maugus, an undead human warlock that has recently returned to the tribe after becoming wayward for some time.

We began by telling each other about what we do, or where we look for our power. I, of course, look to An'she and earn my abilities from his light, and from the spirits of my ancestors. Of the others, I learned that Pipiltin speaks with the spirits of the land in Winterspring. Urukha looks to her ancestors as well, and wishes to be bound to the spirit of the wolf. Zeyda'lei feels that she draws the power of light from within her heart, and Kazak'guul earns his abilities from his Loa, "the Bwon." I am disturbed, however, by Maugus's powers... he says power through fel is granted through pacts with demons, and by harvesting the spirits of the dead. The others seemed as shocked as I was at this, and Kazak'guul was clearly angered at this.

Pipiltin continued with the lesson after this. We were to be seated, and to relax however we felt most comfortable. I removed my helmet and gauntlets, to feel the grass and earth below me, and the wind around me. I closed my eyes, and breathed calmly, and to my surprise... I heard the wind laugh and speak to me. I do not know what I have done differently this time, but I am much more at ease now. Pipiltin offered to show me other places in the world where I may find it easier to commune with the elements, and I plan to travel to these places to meditate.

I think, maybe, that I was blessed with good fortune by the Holy Light. Prior to this lesson, I traveled to the Eastern Plaguelands in hopes of aiding the Argent Crusade in its cleansing of the land. I went to Tyr's Hand after this to visit Nemeiah, and found her with Annjia in the library. We spoke with each other briefly, and when I said I would be leaving, Nemeiah lent to me a string of beads that aided her in her prayers, as a token of good fortune. I held onto these beads during the lesson. Afterward, I wrote a letter to Nemeiah thanking her for allowing me to carry these, and asked her to tell me when she would be travelling to Kalimdor next so I may return them to her.

Until Ash

Two nights ago, a small group of Burning Tusks and I were a part of an expedition into a place called Ulduar. I was teleported to this place by way of the tribe's talisman's magic, so I do not know where it is, except that it is in Northrend; it was very cold outside. Ferak, an orc and initiate to the tribe, led us in. Kazak'guul, Urukha, Ura, Caelyssa, Nystia, and Tyrlink were with is, as well as an undead man I did not recognize, and Tyrlink's goblin friend... I believe she calls herself "Molly." Overall, we were unsuccessful in retrieving what we had set out to find; another attempt will be made soon. This expedition was very trying on all involved... we were warned beforehand that it would be dangerous, and that there were stories of others who had lost their minds while within Ulduar.

Surely enough, upon entering I was shown a false memory: my birth tribe, killed by my hand. As we pushed on, I caught glimpses of things out of the corner of my eye that tried to tell me that my memory was not false. Towards the end, I was shown some truly disturbing images, of many I knew and loved over the years being brutally slain, again by my hand. A joke Urukha had made earlier about me being a threat should I lose my mind echoed in my memory, followed by her screaming. I looked around and saw the others staring at me, weapons drawn, and I ran, afraid that I was going to be killed for crimes I knew I did not commit. Tyrlink and Molly came to my aid shortly after, though at the time I had thought they were looking to execute me.

I think I am fine now... Tyrlink and Molly helped me to regain my senses, somehow. Urukha, on the other hand, did not fare as well as I or the others seemed to. Later that night we joined her at the Wyvern's Tail for alcohol... but she was intent to "drown her problems." She pushed us all away and eventually passed out... I think she might have regurgitated, as well. I could not stand to see Urukha this way, but when I offered to bring her home, she made it clear that she would rather lie on the floor in a puddle of her stomach's contents. Instead, I decided to spend the night with her at the tavern, to make sure she was safe.

Nystia, another of the tribe's initiates and the only other person remaining from the group, noted that Urukha was fortunate to have me as a friend. I explained to Nystia that Urukha was not just a friend, but something more... family. All of the Burning Tusks are my family, and it is my duty to stand by them and make sure that harm does not come to them. They would do the same for me, as Tyrlink had earlier, in the depths of Ulduar. As I thought of this, I remembered a time when I had too much to drink, when the Tribe had gone to somewhere for a night of dancing to loud music. Urukha had made sure I returned to the tribe's home safely. When Nystia left, I had decided that I would do the same, despite Urukha's desire to remain at the tavern.

I brought her home and put her into her bed, and left a note explaining my actions before retiring to my own hut... Urukha was in a deep sleep and did not stir as I moved her around. I have not seen her since then, and I hope she is not angry that I violated her wishes... I only wish to make sure those in my newfound family are safe. Until ash.

Dazed

Thursday night began a long string of surreal events. It is over, but I am still confused.

As I had written before, I had been officially accepted as a member of the tribe on Thursday night, at our tribal meeting. I am honored that the tribe considers me to be one of their own, to know that there are others willing to lay their lives down for me if need be. I am willing to do the same for these people... my family. I must consult with someone on finding the best way I can do this.

When the meeting ended, I was transformed into a rabbit. I do not know how... perhaps there was someone with one of the branches I had found in a Noblegarden egg? Because of this, I was unable to assist our tribe with the expedition into Blackrock Mountains, or Valtirus and Blanche with their research. Blanche had said that my altered form would last for just an hour, but I did not return to my natural form when I expected to. It was not until the next evening that Aevelina and Scynthe would find me in Bloodhoof Village, where Scynthe would quickly solve my problem. It was painful to me, as his power is fel-based, but he quickly offered me a stone that quelled the pain quickly. I did not feel any ill effects from it.

After this, I had retrieved the stone and flowers I had gathered for Theran's grave, and visited Kazak'guul at our burial grounds. The witch doctor could not find Theran's spirit, which told him that my mentor was still alive. I smiled and thanked him, but I was hiding my confusion. I was happy to hear that Theran was alive... but... I had seen him dead with my own eyes, and laid him to rest with my own hands. What had happened? I could not find an answer. My head spun, and I finally succumbed to my urge to drink.

I do not remember the rest of that night very well, the firewater clouds my memory. I do know that I had actually encountered Theran at the bonfire in Bloodhoof Village, and he appeared to have answers to my confusion and questions. I have a feeling I had made a fool of myself, however...

Theran Sunhammer

Before I knew of the Burning Tusks, I had sought out family in Mulgore upon returning to the Barrens and being unable to find my birth tribe. I was accepted into the Stonecalf Tribe, and it was there that I met Theran. He was an elder Sunwalker, and as I have said before, my former mentor. During my time with the Stonecalves, Theran personally taught me many things about An'she, and my power, that I did not know. With his aid I was able to realize my potential and work towards it more clearly; I was gifted an ornate, yet effective greatsword, for my progress. It is in my care to this day.

He was a kind bull, but very strict and honor-bound. I was once reprimanded by him for walking around Orgrimmar without my vest; he was afraid that I would dishonor the Stonecalves by showing my body. I did not understand why he thought this at the time, but now I see why, especially after seeing the reactions of those around me when I had lost most of my clothing in Elwynn Forest, and I had returned to the orc city to find a Burning Tusk. There are too many that think one's body is something to be hidden.

My greatest regret is that I had lost contact with Theran following the disappearance of the Stonecalf Tribe. It wasn't until a month ago that I would see him again... dead. I had returned to the Stonecalves' home in the mountains surrounding Mulgore, as I usually do to see if anyone had decided to do the same. I found an orc and two goblins there, and while apprehensive at first, I noticed they stood around his body, performing a Shu'halo death ritual for him. My heart grew heavy... Urukha and Kazak'guul have both told me that I should not feel so, as my presence may not have saved him. But I still wish I had spent a little more time with him, as I cannot now. His brothers-in-arms and I had laid his body to rest at Red Rocks, and his spirit appeared before us. I was thanked for being there, even if only for a little time.

Recalling these events burdens my heart again, and I must gather things for Theran's grave at the tribe's burial ground. I had visited his grave finally, but his body was missing. I am puzzled, and I wonder if Kazak'guul has found his spirit yet. The urge to drink grows stronger... I must meditate. Alcohol would only numb my sadness for a short time. An'she, I pray to you to grant me the strength I need to carry this weight on my heart.

The Witch Doctor, Kazak'guul

I was unaware that our tribe housed a troll witch doctor, named Kazak'guul. I met him proper yesterday at the dedication of the tribe's burial grounds, which he was apparently responsible for building. He seems to be a kind troll, though he emits an unsettling aura, and his gaze seems to pierce my being.

He is adamant about caring for the spirits of the dead, and seems to have no qualms with tearing someone apart who might disturb them. I watched him become quite restless at our tribal meeting, when Valtirus said something that suggested doing research involving the dead, and Kazak'guul threatened him before Valtirus corrected himself and made it clear he did not plan to do such a thing.

Urukha had supplied me with a jug of rum yesterday as we approached the gates of this hallowed ground, for dedication to the witch doctor's "loa," their word for ancestral spirits. We were assured that this was merely a token of gratitude in good faith, and not a sign of dedication to the spirit. I believe he called him "Bwon Samdee." I should be sure of this, as I do not wish to invoke Kazak'guul's anger due to ignorance.

After the dedication, I spoke with the witch doctor and learned of the "loa" and the significance of what myself and the others had done within the burial ground. Curious, I asked him if he was able to commune with the spirits of the dead... I am still troubled by Theran's passing, and I have been unable to pay my respects to him in the way I wish I could. He told me to return later with something of significance to the spirit.

We met later that night. I had brought my greatsword with me, the weapon Theran had given me as a gift, for realizing my potential as a Sunwalker under his watch. I explained to Kazak'guul that I wished to construct a memorial to Theran, and let his spirit know personally that I was doing this. Kazak'guul said he would seek out Theran's spirit, and was honored that I asked him to do the task. He will see within the next few days, when he locates Theran.

My friend... I am sorry I have not been able to be there for you, even in death. I shall visit your grave at Red Rocks next time I am in the Ravine.