The Wedding

Last night was brother Westel's wedding. Unfortunately, I had returned home a few hours before the ceremony and slept through it; I am a fool.

I was brought to the celebration regardless, and a good time was had by all, I believe. Brother Mukwa had fallen down while dancing and seemed to have harmed himself, but I saw he was in good spirits. I also saw brother Qua'nah, and I believe the Regent was there; I did not know they had returned to us! Westel and Astoreth approached me a few times during the dance. I feared they would have been cross that I was not at the ceremony, however, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that they were honored by my presence nonetheless.

The tribe, and friends of Astoreth and Westel spent most of the night dancing. When the music ended, the remaining guests presented gifts to them. Zau'tal gave to them a pair of small raptors, a friend of theirs is sending them a large collection of wine, and Rhezzaka gave them some fish she had caught while in Northrend. I had no material gift for them, so I offered An'she's blessing instead, which they gladly accepted, and I relayed my best wishes and prayers for them before departing for the night.

I look around and see so many meeting their mates. I am happy for them. But with this, and other recent events, I wonder when I will find love of my own.

Violation

Some time ago, Urukha had warned me of temptations to be found in Silvermoon, when I had told her that I planned to visit the elven city on occasion to build a resistance to the stench of the arcane. Events of last night echo her warning, despite being in Orgrimmar the whole time, but I worry more of the discomfort these temptations may give me, rather than succumbing to them.

It began when I passed by, then turned to speak with Tywren in the Valley of Honor last night. We spoke of brother Westel's wedding tonight, and Westel himself came to us and joined our discussion. Later, we were joined by Keikio - it had been some time since I saw her last, after she had played a joke on me and made me feel very foolish. This time, however, there was talk of her looking to find a male, and I believe she had made an advance on me by pinching my rear. Again I had made a fool of myself; my shock caused me to jump forward and fall over, and this was met with laughter from the others around me. She would do this again later in the night, with a similar outcome.

I have noticed across many cultures that those in love do such things. I worry. I do not find myself attracted to Keikio as a lifemate. In fact, I have not felt such an attraction to one that is not shu'halo. I will admit I believe I have felt this way for sisters Saekwa and Onokwa, but I am unsure, and do not know if they would reciprocate my feelings. But I digress... if Keikio has fallen for me, I do not wish to harm her heart, as she is still family to me, but it would be foolish for us to be together as mates if I cannot return her affection.

Caelyssa joined us as Keikio left, and at some point asked Westel and I why were not doing something to celebrate the last night Westel would be not mated. I was not aware that such a celebration existed, and unfortunately the discussion would turn to me and how I kept my distance from activity my birth tribe would see as deviant. Westel insisted that I should be given a "lap dance," which I would later find out was a dance done by a female upon the lap of a male, meant to encourage mating. Caelyssa told me she would be willing to do this, and I became embarrassed and conflicted. I excused myself and walked for some time around Orgrimmar... were they serious? What would my ancestors think of this? I thought again of Keikio, and wondered if it may be possible that I might feel an attraction to blood elves.

I returned to Westel and Caelyssa, and told them that I was willing to do this. I was met with hesitation and surprise, but was led to a place by Westel and Zau'tal where we could do this. After a short wait for her to prepare, she began the dance. I was nervous and tense, and the fel scent on her spirit did not help to leave me at ease. When it ended, I was only left confused, and felt no attraction. Looking back, I feel... relieved, for now I have learned something absolute about myself. I can only hope, now, that I have not offended my ancestors. I pray for forgiveness now, if I have.

Black Blood

I am not well.

Two nights ago I was called by Ferak with good news: he had found a way to remove the pendant from my neck. He asked me to meet him in Storm Peaks, so I gathered the armor Pipiltin created for me when I had told her I was following the Earth Mother to Northrend. Ferak used the power of the talisman to summon me to his location quickly, and we began to talk.

Quickly, things turned grim. I heard the whispers again, and ignored them... however Ferak was affected. Perhaps he had been under Yogg-Saron's influence the entire time... I do not know. He told me the solution was simple, and then suddenly attacked me: I was to die, and the pendant would be unbound from me. We exchanged blows... I did not wish to fight him. I blinded him temporarily and ran for cover, to summon help. I called out to the tribe through the talisman... Westel, Zeyda'lei, and Gurdijef came to my aid, and were able to subdue Ferak and bring him to his senses.

While in hiding, I noticed that the blood seeping from my wounds was black. This frightened me. We were taken to a nearby camp to be mended and explain what had happened. Nobody could tell us what the black blood meant, and we decided it best that Ferak and I be secluded and separated from each other, should this be a disease that can spread through touch or breath. I am resting alone in my own camp in northern Mulgore, and Zeyda'lei has volunteered to keep watch over me and ensure I stay well.

Ferak said that he did find some kind of solution for the pendant that did not involve my death, and the others have agreed to rally the tribe this coming Saturday to do this cleansing. I pray to the Earth Mother that this will be the solution to our problems... today I have not felt well and the visions are becoming worse again.