Some time ago, Urukha had warned me of temptations to be found in Silvermoon, when I had told her that I planned to visit the elven city on occasion to build a resistance to the stench of the arcane. Events of last night echo her warning, despite being in Orgrimmar the whole time, but I worry more of the discomfort these temptations may give me, rather than succumbing to them.
It began when I passed by, then turned to speak with Tywren in the Valley of Honor last night. We spoke of brother Westel's wedding tonight, and Westel himself came to us and joined our discussion. Later, we were joined by Keikio - it had been some time since I saw her last, after she had played a joke on me and made me feel very foolish. This time, however, there was talk of her looking to find a male, and I believe she had made an advance on me by pinching my rear. Again I had made a fool of myself; my shock caused me to jump forward and fall over, and this was met with laughter from the others around me. She would do this again later in the night, with a similar outcome.
I have noticed across many cultures that those in love do such things. I worry. I do not find myself attracted to Keikio as a lifemate. In fact, I have not felt such an attraction to one that is not shu'halo. I will admit I believe I have felt this way for sisters Saekwa and Onokwa, but I am unsure, and do not know if they would reciprocate my feelings. But I digress... if Keikio has fallen for me, I do not wish to harm her heart, as she is still family to me, but it would be foolish for us to be together as mates if I cannot return her affection.
Caelyssa joined us as Keikio left, and at some point asked Westel and I why were not doing something to celebrate the last night Westel would be not mated. I was not aware that such a celebration existed, and unfortunately the discussion would turn to me and how I kept my distance from activity my birth tribe would see as deviant. Westel insisted that I should be given a "lap dance," which I would later find out was a dance done by a female upon the lap of a male, meant to encourage mating. Caelyssa told me she would be willing to do this, and I became embarrassed and conflicted. I excused myself and walked for some time around Orgrimmar... were they serious? What would my ancestors think of this? I thought again of Keikio, and wondered if it may be possible that I might feel an attraction to blood elves.
I returned to Westel and Caelyssa, and told them that I was willing to do this. I was met with hesitation and surprise, but was led to a place by Westel and Zau'tal where we could do this. After a short wait for her to prepare, she began the dance. I was nervous and tense, and the fel scent on her spirit did not help to leave me at ease. When it ended, I was only left confused, and felt no attraction. Looking back, I feel... relieved, for now I have learned something absolute about myself. I can only hope, now, that I have not offended my ancestors. I pray for forgiveness now, if I have.