A Good Friend

Later into the night, I found Maengun in our Commons, eating the box of truffles I had sent to her, quite audibly. As I entered, she noticed, and looked up at me as though she had done something wrong. Her face and hands were covered in chocolate. I could not help but find humor in this, and briefly I wondered if I behaved in a similar way when I was given food made by Pipiltin. I sat with her to talk; she received my letter, and asked why I wished to be her friend. I told her as I have written here before: I enjoy her company, and I wish to know that she is well. She told me that the reason for her eating the truffles in the manner I found her in was because it was not often she was able to have such foods. We began to talk about various things we have eaten, and she suggested I try grapefruit. It is as she said: sweet, but tart. I am unsure if I like it, but I was told it is something one must learn to like.

We also spoke of our passions, and what we most enjoy to do to pass time. I was surprised to hear that Maengun does no such thing. She has been so focused on finding her father, and surviving on her own, that she has not thought of what else she may enjoy. This worries me, as she has recently given up on her search. I am led to believe that she now feels she has no purpose, and I pray that she does not actually think this. I had felt this, and similar things, briefly, as Yogg-Saron played with my mind those many months ago. It is the most saddening thing I have ever felt. I cannot imagine feeling this way for longer than I had.

I reminded her of her abilities in the way of the elements, and asked what else she was able to do, determined to help her find a purpose in the tribe. She reminded me, in turn, of wood carving. When I found her in Un'goro, on the brink of death, and brought her to the nearby camp to be treated, she had carved my likeness into one of her totems and left it with me as a token of gratitude for saving her, before leaving the camp with some of their possessions. I hold onto it still... it sits on a shelf in my hut, and I told her of this. It is a simple carving, but it still holds a certain beauty. She seemed quite pleased that I thought her work to be good... I believe she may create beautiful things from wood, with enough practice.

Before I left, I reminded her of the chocolate stuck in her fur, and of Stonebull Lake, to the northwest. Tomorrow marks the first full week of this month, and that would mean that the Darkmoon Faire will be open. Ever since finding some strange things in the surrounding forest during Brother Qua'nah's gathering, I have not been able to enjoy the Faire on my own. Perhaps I shall ask Maengun if she wishes to accompany me, this time. It will distract my mind from the many questions I ask of the faire, and perhaps she will find something that she will enjoy?

To Tell the Truth

I had only recently returned from the farm above me to hear Aelandir and Pipiltin speaking to one another through the tribal talisman. It occurred to me that I had only seen Pipiltin briefly since my return, and we had not a chance to speak face to face. She was offering to bring Aelandir tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches... having finished my work for the day, I asked if I may follow. I was hungry, and it had been a long time since I had tasted Pipiltin's cooking. I also thought that I should acquaint myself with Aelandir better, for the most time I have been in his company was during the night of the winter solstice. Our meal was delicious, though I had made a fool of myself once, burning my mouth and throat on the soup, then again when I had mistaken the spilled soup upon Aelandir's shirt for blood.

However, our discussion once again turned to the topic of finding a mate. Aelandir believes he loves Sister Illyana, and has gone with her on a date once. However, he was hesitant to admit this, and said that he does not want Illyana to think of him as strange. As a result, he had hidden his true feelings from her. Pipiltin told a story I had heard once before, of three trolls: two males that would not express their true feelings for a female, who also would not say to either male what she felt for them. In the end, they were manipulated due to their hidden affections, and the larger male, who had known and loved the female for the longer time, was pushed away and called simply a friend. He would watch the other male and the one he loved continue on with their life, become mated, and begin a family. The moral of this story is to be honest, and open with others about how you feel for them. Pipiltin then suggested that Aelandir write a letter to Illyana, to tell her how he truly felt. He seemed very uncomfortable with the thought, and Pipiltin would serve only to embarrass him further through the talisman when Illyana had awoken. Fortunately, Illyana did not seem disturbed by this. Aelandir seemed relieved, somewhat.

Then, Aelandir turned the topic to myself, and Maengun. I was asked if I considered Maengun to be a potential mate. I was surprised, and found myself feeling as umcomfortable as he. But unlike him, I do not love Maengun as a mate. She is a good friend, as are Annjia and Nemeiah. Though, perhaps I am somewhat closer to Maengun than others. She had saved my life, before. It was suggested that I write a letter to her as well, to explain how I feel. I thought it unnecessary, as I am sure she knows how I feel, but on the other hand I believed that it would not cause any harm. Pipiltin also gave us boxes of chocolate truffles, filled with caramel, and told us to send them to those we were writing to. For a moment, I was hesitant to accept them... I am aware that a gift of chocolate is commonly sent as an expression of love. I took them only because Pipiltin insisted, and she is not one to cross.

My Ideal Mate

At the end of our tribal meetings, we choose a single person among us and place them into what we call our "circle of questions." They are asked a single question by each person in the circle we stand in, and then are able to turn to one of us and pose a question of their own. Last night, I found myself being asked the final question, by Urukha.

"Describe your ideal mate."

This is not the first time that I have been asked a question like this, and it is something that I have not put very much thought into. Urukha once before had asked me a similar question, and a few days before, Annjia had asked me if I had a mate. I was once told by an elder shu'halo, that searching for a lifemate is something that is best to wait upon, and that I have my entire life before me. But, I have been told by others that perhaps I am in need of a mate, to care for me in my times of need, and to have a companion I may share my experiences with.

Last night, I was placed in a very uncomfortable situation, and did not have an answer ready to such a question. I tried to give an answer, but I was not sure if it was the true answer, or if it was complete. I have since slept upon the question and given more thought to it...

I suppose I must first be able to call my mate a friend. I must be able to trust her, to be by my side when I need her, and she must be able to put the same trust in me. She must be patient and understanding, for there are many things I still do not know, of the world and of myself. She should share my love of children, for it would give us both great joy when a child is born to us. Above all else, she must be kind towards myself, my friends, and my family.

These things I believe would allow me to live happily with the female I wish to call my mate. Though, I am again wondering when I will find her, or when she will find me. How will I know when we have found each other?