Violation

Some time ago, Urukha had warned me of temptations to be found in Silvermoon, when I had told her that I planned to visit the elven city on occasion to build a resistance to the stench of the arcane. Events of last night echo her warning, despite being in Orgrimmar the whole time, but I worry more of the discomfort these temptations may give me, rather than succumbing to them.

It began when I passed by, then turned to speak with Tywren in the Valley of Honor last night. We spoke of brother Westel's wedding tonight, and Westel himself came to us and joined our discussion. Later, we were joined by Keikio - it had been some time since I saw her last, after she had played a joke on me and made me feel very foolish. This time, however, there was talk of her looking to find a male, and I believe she had made an advance on me by pinching my rear. Again I had made a fool of myself; my shock caused me to jump forward and fall over, and this was met with laughter from the others around me. She would do this again later in the night, with a similar outcome.

I have noticed across many cultures that those in love do such things. I worry. I do not find myself attracted to Keikio as a lifemate. In fact, I have not felt such an attraction to one that is not shu'halo. I will admit I believe I have felt this way for sisters Saekwa and Onokwa, but I am unsure, and do not know if they would reciprocate my feelings. But I digress... if Keikio has fallen for me, I do not wish to harm her heart, as she is still family to me, but it would be foolish for us to be together as mates if I cannot return her affection.

Caelyssa joined us as Keikio left, and at some point asked Westel and I why were not doing something to celebrate the last night Westel would be not mated. I was not aware that such a celebration existed, and unfortunately the discussion would turn to me and how I kept my distance from activity my birth tribe would see as deviant. Westel insisted that I should be given a "lap dance," which I would later find out was a dance done by a female upon the lap of a male, meant to encourage mating. Caelyssa told me she would be willing to do this, and I became embarrassed and conflicted. I excused myself and walked for some time around Orgrimmar... were they serious? What would my ancestors think of this? I thought again of Keikio, and wondered if it may be possible that I might feel an attraction to blood elves.

I returned to Westel and Caelyssa, and told them that I was willing to do this. I was met with hesitation and surprise, but was led to a place by Westel and Zau'tal where we could do this. After a short wait for her to prepare, she began the dance. I was nervous and tense, and the fel scent on her spirit did not help to leave me at ease. When it ended, I was only left confused, and felt no attraction. Looking back, I feel... relieved, for now I have learned something absolute about myself. I can only hope, now, that I have not offended my ancestors. I pray for forgiveness now, if I have.

Discomfort

After our meeting last night, Pipiltin, Urukha, and I gathered as we usually do in the Regent's study after the tribe's weekly meeting. This is a time when the elders sit in wait to listen to the concerns of the tribe, and when I, as the tribe's head scribe, record the important things said during the meeting onto parchment to be kept safe for the future.

This night, as it would seem typical lately, was quiet. Only the three of us occupied the hut all night, and Urukha and Pipiltin discussed their matters while I focused on my work. My concentration would break, however, on a certain point of discussion: things we do when nervous or upset. Pipiltin attempted to conceal her feelings about something troubling her, but Urukha pointed out that when she did this, she would rub at her neck. Pipiltin became frustrated, but Urukha noted that many did such things, myself included. I was made aware that I tend to scratch at my mane behind my ear when I am troubled, and Urukha draws symbols in the air with her fingers when she is nervous or upset. I do not think I would have noticed these things if they were not said.

As the hour came to a close, Pipiltin began to speak of an endeavor they were working on, and procured a scroll. Intrigued, I asked what this was about, and she told me that Za had given her a scroll describing different positions two people could take. At first I had assumed she spoke of combat stances, to improve how one would defend themselves or fend off an attacker. To my surprise, it was a list of different ways two people could mate. She happily showed me the list and explained a number of them, but I could not look at the scroll, or her... I will admit that I am intrigued by the contents of the scroll, however I did not want to think of Pipiltin and Urukha in the act of mating. I was also made uncomfortable by the fact that I have not found a mate of my own, and wondered if this scroll is something I should have been looking at. I do hope I have not done something to disappoint or anger my ancestors...

Honoring the Flames

Yesterday evening I spent much time in Orgrimmar, listening to the Midsummer tale weaver's stories of Midsummers past. His tales gave to me a better understanding of this celebration, and inspired me to honor the flames this year. I was also moved to snuff the bonfires lit by those deemed enemy of the Horde, upon hearing tales of atrocities committed by them during this festival.

I returned to the Ravine to gather my armor and prepare, asking one of the Wind Riders in the service of the tribe if it would not mind helping me in this task. While reluctant due to my weight, he agreed to help me in this task, and we set out for Orgrimmar. I called out to the tribe on my talisman to share my intentions, and Nystia, Caelyssa, Siuliaruin, and an initiate I had not met before, named Alexir, responded to my call. We gathered at the zeppelin tower and began to plan our route through the Eastern Kingdoms, beginning in Strangled Thorns Vale and travelling north.

Our travels were safe until we reached Goldshire, where we were ambushed by a group intent on protecting their bonfire. I attempted to fend off the attackers to the best of my ability, but we were overwhelmed. I am not sure of what happened to the others, but for a time I was knocked unconscious and left for dead. I came to my senses near Siuliaruin, and the others eventually found us. My head ached, but I thought little of it and pressed on... this would come back to me later in dwarven land. I became dizzy and unable to stand. Nystia offered to take me home, and Siuliaruin created a portal to Thunder Bluff for me.

I slept at an inn in Thunder Bluff on Pipiltin's recommendation, and awoke with no ails. I pray that the others are safe and in good health, and wonder if they had decided to press on without me. I believe I am feeling well enough to continue our quest tomorrow night, but I must prepare. I will tell the tribe of this tonight at our circle.