Violation

Some time ago, Urukha had warned me of temptations to be found in Silvermoon, when I had told her that I planned to visit the elven city on occasion to build a resistance to the stench of the arcane. Events of last night echo her warning, despite being in Orgrimmar the whole time, but I worry more of the discomfort these temptations may give me, rather than succumbing to them.

It began when I passed by, then turned to speak with Tywren in the Valley of Honor last night. We spoke of brother Westel's wedding tonight, and Westel himself came to us and joined our discussion. Later, we were joined by Keikio - it had been some time since I saw her last, after she had played a joke on me and made me feel very foolish. This time, however, there was talk of her looking to find a male, and I believe she had made an advance on me by pinching my rear. Again I had made a fool of myself; my shock caused me to jump forward and fall over, and this was met with laughter from the others around me. She would do this again later in the night, with a similar outcome.

I have noticed across many cultures that those in love do such things. I worry. I do not find myself attracted to Keikio as a lifemate. In fact, I have not felt such an attraction to one that is not shu'halo. I will admit I believe I have felt this way for sisters Saekwa and Onokwa, but I am unsure, and do not know if they would reciprocate my feelings. But I digress... if Keikio has fallen for me, I do not wish to harm her heart, as she is still family to me, but it would be foolish for us to be together as mates if I cannot return her affection.

Caelyssa joined us as Keikio left, and at some point asked Westel and I why were not doing something to celebrate the last night Westel would be not mated. I was not aware that such a celebration existed, and unfortunately the discussion would turn to me and how I kept my distance from activity my birth tribe would see as deviant. Westel insisted that I should be given a "lap dance," which I would later find out was a dance done by a female upon the lap of a male, meant to encourage mating. Caelyssa told me she would be willing to do this, and I became embarrassed and conflicted. I excused myself and walked for some time around Orgrimmar... were they serious? What would my ancestors think of this? I thought again of Keikio, and wondered if it may be possible that I might feel an attraction to blood elves.

I returned to Westel and Caelyssa, and told them that I was willing to do this. I was met with hesitation and surprise, but was led to a place by Westel and Zau'tal where we could do this. After a short wait for her to prepare, she began the dance. I was nervous and tense, and the fel scent on her spirit did not help to leave me at ease. When it ended, I was only left confused, and felt no attraction. Looking back, I feel... relieved, for now I have learned something absolute about myself. I can only hope, now, that I have not offended my ancestors. I pray for forgiveness now, if I have.

Discomfort

After our meeting last night, Pipiltin, Urukha, and I gathered as we usually do in the Regent's study after the tribe's weekly meeting. This is a time when the elders sit in wait to listen to the concerns of the tribe, and when I, as the tribe's head scribe, record the important things said during the meeting onto parchment to be kept safe for the future.

This night, as it would seem typical lately, was quiet. Only the three of us occupied the hut all night, and Urukha and Pipiltin discussed their matters while I focused on my work. My concentration would break, however, on a certain point of discussion: things we do when nervous or upset. Pipiltin attempted to conceal her feelings about something troubling her, but Urukha pointed out that when she did this, she would rub at her neck. Pipiltin became frustrated, but Urukha noted that many did such things, myself included. I was made aware that I tend to scratch at my mane behind my ear when I am troubled, and Urukha draws symbols in the air with her fingers when she is nervous or upset. I do not think I would have noticed these things if they were not said.

As the hour came to a close, Pipiltin began to speak of an endeavor they were working on, and procured a scroll. Intrigued, I asked what this was about, and she told me that Za had given her a scroll describing different positions two people could take. At first I had assumed she spoke of combat stances, to improve how one would defend themselves or fend off an attacker. To my surprise, it was a list of different ways two people could mate. She happily showed me the list and explained a number of them, but I could not look at the scroll, or her... I will admit that I am intrigued by the contents of the scroll, however I did not want to think of Pipiltin and Urukha in the act of mating. I was also made uncomfortable by the fact that I have not found a mate of my own, and wondered if this scroll is something I should have been looking at. I do hope I have not done something to disappoint or anger my ancestors...

Honoring the Flames

Yesterday evening I spent much time in Orgrimmar, listening to the Midsummer tale weaver's stories of Midsummers past. His tales gave to me a better understanding of this celebration, and inspired me to honor the flames this year. I was also moved to snuff the bonfires lit by those deemed enemy of the Horde, upon hearing tales of atrocities committed by them during this festival.

I returned to the Ravine to gather my armor and prepare, asking one of the Wind Riders in the service of the tribe if it would not mind helping me in this task. While reluctant due to my weight, he agreed to help me in this task, and we set out for Orgrimmar. I called out to the tribe on my talisman to share my intentions, and Nystia, Caelyssa, Siuliaruin, and an initiate I had not met before, named Alexir, responded to my call. We gathered at the zeppelin tower and began to plan our route through the Eastern Kingdoms, beginning in Strangled Thorns Vale and travelling north.

Our travels were safe until we reached Goldshire, where we were ambushed by a group intent on protecting their bonfire. I attempted to fend off the attackers to the best of my ability, but we were overwhelmed. I am not sure of what happened to the others, but for a time I was knocked unconscious and left for dead. I came to my senses near Siuliaruin, and the others eventually found us. My head ached, but I thought little of it and pressed on... this would come back to me later in dwarven land. I became dizzy and unable to stand. Nystia offered to take me home, and Siuliaruin created a portal to Thunder Bluff for me.

I slept at an inn in Thunder Bluff on Pipiltin's recommendation, and awoke with no ails. I pray that the others are safe and in good health, and wonder if they had decided to press on without me. I believe I am feeling well enough to continue our quest tomorrow night, but I must prepare. I will tell the tribe of this tonight at our circle.

Foolish

Lately I have noticed I am more tired than usual, though I am unsure if it is a remnant of the cured affliction, or if I am attempting to do more than I am able. Last night I had come to a lesson on fire-weaving, held by Nystia in celebration of Midsummer, and made a fool of myself with an unlit torch. I had thrown it into the air and watched carefully where it had gone to catch it, but misjudged where it was in my fatigue... it landed on my nose instead of in my hand, and I fell down in surprise.

Tired and embarassed, I excused myself from the others there to retire to my hut for the night. I will seek out Nystia another time to learn how to juggle the torch, when I have my wits about me.

Midsummer Celebration

Last night the Burning Tusks gathered to celebrate midsummer, the time of the year when An'she's light has reached the height of its power, and when his light begins to yield to Mu'sha's. It is as much a time of celebration as it is a time of mourning, and like Noblegarden it is a celebration of life.

Siuliaruin hosted the tribe's celebration, and required that we wear as little as possible, or no clothing at all. We were brought to a forest with a lake and "faerie dragons", a type of creature I had never seen before. We were all given a circlet made from the leaves and sticks of the trees around us, and then we were brought to the lake. Siuliaruin told us to consider our bad memories, and to let the water take them away in its ebb and flow.

I thought of everything that had happened to me and Ferak over the past weeks... the nightmares, the whispers, the ritual... and fell into the lake. The water was refreshing, and I felt as if the weight of these painful memories was indeed cleansed from my heart. The others seemed to have felt the same way. I saw Ura and Pipiltin chasing one another playfully. Gren'mazi gave the tribe an interesting show of fire on the water's surface. Even Mukwa attempted to enjoy the swimming despite feeling tired, and later I would see that his spirits had been lifted greatly.

We bore witness to a rare and beautiful sight on returning to the forest: the faerie dragons had decided to bless our celebration. They gathered around the ring of mushrooms we had intended to enter and bathed it in a glowing light of many colors. I was struck with awe at this sight, and Siuliaruin noted that to see such a thing was very rare. We proceeded then to light a bonfire, feast, and dance. There were stories to be told, unfortunately I was too tired to join them to listen, or share. I excused myself and thanked Siuliaruin for bringing us to this place before dressing myself and returning home.

As the seasons change and An'she's light begins to dim again, I am reminded of the passing of time, of the families I have been a part of since I left my birth tribe, and of those I speak with or fight alongside. Faces, spirits, and the desires of those I know have and always will change, but one thing is absolute: I will do all I can to protect and aid those I know and love.

Until ash.

As It Was... Almost

It feels like it has been too long since I have been able to sit by the tree in Orgrimmar and relax. Last night I did just this, and encountered Za sitting among some friends. He came over to me and dropped a bag of smoking herbs into my lap, which I took gratefully and with thanks. We began to discuss recent events, but then the interruptions began... I believe Za called it "happy hour," and likened it to the tide of the ocean rolling out and leaving refuse behind on the sand when it was once clean. In retrospect, I understand this comparison now.

Our topic was lost, so I had decided to smoke some of the herbs in my pipe while I waited for this happy hour to end. I realized I had no fire to burn the herbs with, and asked if anyone could do this. A goblin behind me offered me a box of matches, though they were much too small for me to use. He lit the pipe for me and I thanked him. He seemed a nice fellow, despite feeling the need to attach a device to his bow that would launch small animals... I do not understand to this day why goblins feel the need to disrespect the Earth Mother and her creatures.

Pipiltin arrived not much later, after I started to feel the calming effects of my herbs. She had been away from us to tend to some work to please her Loa. We briefly discussed what had happened since I had seen her last, and what the tribe planned to do in the coming days. Meanwhile, Pipiltin gave Za one of her popcorn balls, the ones she made with a secret mix of herbs. The herbs had a fast and quite noticeable effect on Za, as he began to insist the goblin's companion animal was able to talk and fetch drinks. To my surprise, the latter proved to be true, and the animal returned to him with a cup of frog venom brew, and slice of a lemon.

In the midst of this, Urukha came to us, though she did not have much to speak of, and fell asleep on her mate's lap not long after her arrival. I had spoken with her earlier in the evening; her voice over the talisman lacked emotion and she seemed troubled. Having not seen her in the days since the incident at Storm Peaks, I had hoped that having her see me in good health would lift her spirits. Unfortunately, it would seem that it only irritated her. I asked if there was something I could do to help her with, but she asserted that there was nothing I could do. I wonder what is troubling her?

More Peace

At last, the madness has ended.

On Saturday night, our tribe had traveled to the temple of Ahn'Qiraj to perform a ritual to cleanse the pendant, and ourselves, of Yogg-Saron. The expedition was a success, but it had taken quite a toll on everyone. I do not wish to recall what I have experienced, even in the privacy of my journal... just that a few of us had nearly died.

Nonetheless, the visions and whispers have ended, my blood has returned to its normal color, and I am no longer wracked with a stinging pain that came in waves. I believe the others have also been cured of any affliction, but I am not without worry. Aevelina was among the group, and when I learned of this at the start, I expressed my concern for the safety of her and her unborn child. She replied that she was aware of the dangers we were to face and that she wished to help the tribe be rid of this curse, but after the things I have experienced, I do not think I could forgive myself if something were to befall the child before its birth. I pray the Earth Mother cares for the child in the womb, and that it be protected from harm.

I have not seen anyone since that night... in fact, I have only encountered Annjia since then. I must find the others soon.

Black Blood

I am not well.

Two nights ago I was called by Ferak with good news: he had found a way to remove the pendant from my neck. He asked me to meet him in Storm Peaks, so I gathered the armor Pipiltin created for me when I had told her I was following the Earth Mother to Northrend. Ferak used the power of the talisman to summon me to his location quickly, and we began to talk.

Quickly, things turned grim. I heard the whispers again, and ignored them... however Ferak was affected. Perhaps he had been under Yogg-Saron's influence the entire time... I do not know. He told me the solution was simple, and then suddenly attacked me: I was to die, and the pendant would be unbound from me. We exchanged blows... I did not wish to fight him. I blinded him temporarily and ran for cover, to summon help. I called out to the tribe through the talisman... Westel, Zeyda'lei, and Gurdijef came to my aid, and were able to subdue Ferak and bring him to his senses.

While in hiding, I noticed that the blood seeping from my wounds was black. This frightened me. We were taken to a nearby camp to be mended and explain what had happened. Nobody could tell us what the black blood meant, and we decided it best that Ferak and I be secluded and separated from each other, should this be a disease that can spread through touch or breath. I am resting alone in my own camp in northern Mulgore, and Zeyda'lei has volunteered to keep watch over me and ensure I stay well.

Ferak said that he did find some kind of solution for the pendant that did not involve my death, and the others have agreed to rally the tribe this coming Saturday to do this cleansing. I pray to the Earth Mother that this will be the solution to our problems... today I have not felt well and the visions are becoming worse again.

It Begins Again

As I feared, Yogg-Saron still taunts me. I am seeing the val'kyr once again, and her whispers attempt to turn me against those around me. I am better prepared this time.

Two nights ago, Mukwa had shown me this strange puzzle box he had found in Storm Peaks, in Northrend some time ago, and asked me to solve it. The puzzle was confusing... I do not think it is possible to solve it. However, when I started making progress, I heard her whisper again... much clearer and louder than before. All doubts Mukwa and I had were cast away at that moment: Yogg-Saron was attempting to influence me.

I had sought out Zelevia for advice before this, and my meeting with Mukwa echoed her advice: I must focus on what is real, or I will lose myself to madness. Mukwa told me to think of one thing that is real, and to focus on it and only it if Yogg-Saron speaks to me or appears before me... it has worked, so far. Every time I have seen something strange or heard a whisper in my ear, I think of an apple... my favorite food. Pipiltin's favorite food.

Yesterday I had encountered Zitajie in the passage between the Drag and the Valley of Honor; we had passed each other by, and I did not recognize her at first. We spoke briefly and I relayed my concerns about my mind to her... she ran off to find someone else, and told me not to leave the city. Unfortunately, at this time I was summoned to what I would later learn to be a mountain in Azshara for a party run by Aevelina and Caelyssa. I did not wish to disappoint them, so against Zitajie's advice, I allowed myself to be summoned. There was food and games, as most Burning Tusk gatherings have, and I enjoyed myself.

However, I became separated from the group during a game of Hide and Seek. While searching for Kalenar, I thought I had seen him, and followed him away from the mountain... and before my eyes, he vanished. It began to storm, and my talisman would not work. I do not doubt that this is Yogg-Saron's work, as I found that I was in the midst of a night elven parol route with no weapon or shield to protect myself with... only the shorts at my waist. Over time I had managed to safely make it back to Orgrimmar, then here to the Burning Ravine. I shall speak with the others... perhaps someone had gathered my items I left at the mountain.

I must be more careful with what I see, or do. I pray that the Earth Mother can intervene and show me the true path in these times. I do not wish to fall victim to the very thing that afflicted our ancestors.