For Her

Last night I had found Annjia. I had not seen her recently, so we spoke of what I had done since we had last talked.

Again, my mind had wandered to Maengun. I asked Annjia if she was able to still feel love in her current state; I have heard that many unliving creatures lose the ability to feel emotion. To my surprise, she told me that she could, and I asked if she might help me in finding clarity. After mistaking my request as asking if she would be my mate, she had told me as the General had said: I must not question how I feel. She also said that I must show Maengun that I appreciate her. I recalled my father... he would sometimes bring a flower, or a flawless hide to my mother after a hunt. Annjia said that this was how he showed appreciation for my mother, and in turn gave to me a bundle of sweet-smelling red flowers, to give to Maengun.

Later in the evening, I sensed her presence through the tribal talisman, and asked if she might meet me on the bridge over Stonebull Lake. She agreed. I went to her, my flowers in hand. I gave them to her, and she looked at me, surprised. She asked why I had done this... and I was sure of it now. I told her that I was in love with her.

She ran away.

I would find her later, in the Commons hut. I felt weak... my heart raced, and I could not stand. I thought she would run again... but she apologized to me for running, earlier. We talked for some time... of how we felt for each other. Of her father. Of what makes her happy. She said she did feel comfortable around me, but she preferred to be alone. I had not noticed before how beautiful she was... I told her this, and she said the same of me, in turn. Then, she asked if she might be allowed to spend the night in my hut... she said she wished to sleep in a more comfortable place. She is gone this morning, but I will welcome her into my hut any time she wishes to come.

Though she had said she prefers to stay alone, and I will respect her wishes, it does not change how I feel for her. I am in love with Maengun, and I will do anything for her.

What Am I Feeling?

Everywhere I look, I am reminded of Maengun. Her smiling face sits at the front of my mind, and the quietest mention of love causes my heart to pound. It is as if the world knows that I am in love, and wishes to heckle me at any opportunity.

On Saturday night, Urukha and Pipiltin were lifemated again, to renew their vows. The General performed the ritual, and gave a speech beforehand. He said that love must be held onto, and that one must spend each day with their love as if it were their last. Again, my thoughts went to Maengun. I had not seen her since I laid her to sleep two nights ago. I wondered if she was well. I feared, briefly, that something might happen to her, and that I would not know.

I spoke with the General the next day, in Orgrimmar. I told him that I thought I loved Maengun, but I did not know if it was true. He asked me what I felt, as I thought of her... I had felt too much, more than I could say in either tongue I could speak. I told him what had happened, on the night of the tavern. He told me that love is complex, but yet it is simple. I must simply feel it, and not dwell upon it. If I look upon another and feel happiness, then perhaps it means I am in love.

When I look upon Maengun... I feel

The entry cuts out with a large ink blob after the last word.

Farewell Before Introduction

Our Tuskguard is led by Jindal. He is our General. I do not know this shu'halo very well, for I have not had much chance to speak with him. But I do know that he has been with the tribe for a very long time, and in the times I have seen him, he is very focused on his duties.

I write this because he came before us this past Thursday, and told us of something that many of us did not know, for he does not speak much of his own troubles. He had been unable to come to terms with the death of his mate, Dustrunner, and yesterday, he held a funeral for him. I did not know him, but I am aware that he was a Burning Tusk, and I wished to pay my respects for a fallen Brother. Pipiltin and the General shared stories of Dustrunner, and I wished I had been able to meet him. He was a true Burningtusk from what I have heard, and I pray that he walks with the Earth Mother, now.

I also pray that the General is able to move on, and begin healing. He says he does not wish to trouble us with his problems, but I will let him know that I am willing to listen, should there be something troubling him. I do not know if I would be able to help, but I may try.

I Have Returned

Yesterday, after three long months, I have finally returned home, to my family, and my friends. It has been too long.

I returned to the Burning Ravine first... it was quiet, and nobody was to be found. I found a notice about a gathering later in the evening in the commons... a "night of debauchery," and went to my hut to find the clothing needed. My hut was just as it was when I departed. I found my robe and hat, a leather harness and loincloth I recieved from the Regent some time ago, then this journal. I wanted to write in it then and record what had happened to me while I was gone, but my desire to find someone and speak with them was greater. I changed into my robe and departed for Orgrimmar, to sit by the tree in the Valley of Honor.

I sat for some time, watching others pass by. It felt good to be in the city again, though now there are people in the city that look like bears. I learned later that they are called "Pandaren." I was eventually joined by Gren'mazi and Nemeiah, both of whom were very pleased to see me. The feeling was mutual. Gren'mazi wished to know what I had done in my time away, and Nemeiah expressed concern for my well-being. She said she had been to a place called "Pandaria" looking for someone, but afterwards spent some time there to admire the land - she says it is quite beautiful. I must go there sometime.

I attended the night of debauchery, eager to see my family again, and changed my clothing to the harness and loincloth I carried. The gathering was a contest to determine who was most appealing while wearing the least amount of clothing. I do not remember much of the night... there was a very tasty alcohol being served, and I know that I drank too much. I remember vague images of Jindal and Urukha doing things I did not expect of them, and the reactions of others towards something Urukha did while being judged. I also remember winning something, a tankard holding a strange rabbit-like creature. I do not know what it is called.

I also vaguely remember being in Orgrimmar while drunk, and talking with some people... I believe a pandaren and a goblin. I think Nemeiah was there, as well. I hope I did not do or say anything foolish in my drunken state. My head pounds still, even long into the day. I have not left the hut, and writing this has taken much effort. But I am still happy to be back with my family, despite the pain.