Rage

Words cannot describe the anger I am feeling. But I do not like it.

Pipiltin is dead, murdered by the Kor'kron. Others in my family have been attacked by Garrosh's armies, I have heard, and the rumors of other innocents falling victim to them is also true. Gren'mazi has closed his shop in Bloodhoof Village, for fear of his safety, and Rhezzaka's. Urukha has declared war upon the Kor'kron... she is not well. I watched her break just the other night, laughing and crying without control. When asked what I might do to help, she had told me just this:

"Kill. Kill them all."

I believe that the spirits wish to fuel my rage further... I was brought to Camp Taurajo by a shaman I met in Thunder Bluff just last night. My birth tribe had come to this post in the past to trade, in times when we could not support ourselves. It was a peaceful rest, from what I had remembered... but now it is in ruin. I was told that Alliance forces laid waste to the camp after the Shattering happened... I do not know why. It was only a trading post. I lost control of myself, and loosed my rage upon some humans patrolling the ruins. How dare they tread that ground.

I do not know if it is right, but I no longer feel it matters if it is not: those that are harming the innocent must know the pain they leave. I have spoke to Maengun on these matters... and she is willing to help any way she can. I have told her to stay away from Orgrimmar unless it is absolutely necessary, and that she may do as she wishes with any Kor'kron soldier she finds. To know she will help me calms me, even if only a little...

Today, I leave my shield here, and wield the sword left for my by Theran. If I am to show the honorless the pain they have caused to the innocent, a shield will only serve to get in my way.

Until ash.

What Am I Feeling?

Everywhere I look, I am reminded of Maengun. Her smiling face sits at the front of my mind, and the quietest mention of love causes my heart to pound. It is as if the world knows that I am in love, and wishes to heckle me at any opportunity.

On Saturday night, Urukha and Pipiltin were lifemated again, to renew their vows. The General performed the ritual, and gave a speech beforehand. He said that love must be held onto, and that one must spend each day with their love as if it were their last. Again, my thoughts went to Maengun. I had not seen her since I laid her to sleep two nights ago. I wondered if she was well. I feared, briefly, that something might happen to her, and that I would not know.

I spoke with the General the next day, in Orgrimmar. I told him that I thought I loved Maengun, but I did not know if it was true. He asked me what I felt, as I thought of her... I had felt too much, more than I could say in either tongue I could speak. I told him what had happened, on the night of the tavern. He told me that love is complex, but yet it is simple. I must simply feel it, and not dwell upon it. If I look upon another and feel happiness, then perhaps it means I am in love.

When I look upon Maengun... I feel

The entry cuts out with a large ink blob after the last word.

This Is Love?

I believe I have fallen in love with Maengun.

Last night, the tribe hosted the Burning Tavern, as it does every Friday night. Shortly after my arrival, Maengun arrived as well. I was happy to see her there, and trying to learn more about the tribe in spite of her being shy. However, she quickly became drunk... I do not think she drinks alcohol often. She said she spoke with Ura, and became her friend. I was happy to hear this.

Then suddenly, Maengun fell into me, and then fell asleep. I laid on the floor with her on top of me. I could not move her, and she would not wake up. I was not uncomfortable... I think. I did not know what to think, as she had never done such a thing before. But I did not feel discomfort or pain as she lay upon me... I felt the opposite. It was good.

She would eventually move off of me in her sleep, and so I carried her to the Ravine, as I had done with Urukha before when she had had too much alcohol and fell asleep. I looked to her, and recalled the troubling stories she told me of her life. She slept in my arms, happily, and at peace. She was not tense, or burdened with the guilt she bore while searching for her father. I felt happy to see this, happier than I can recall ever feeling in my life.

Though I did not realize this until later, I am certain of the moment that I had fallen in love. As I looked at her, she stirred in my arms, and opened her eyes. She looked up to me, confused at first... I thought I might have done something wrong. But, Maengun simply fell back into her slumber, and rest her head against my arm... and smiled.

I am not certain if her actions are her own, or if it was brought upon by the alcohol. But more than ever, I wish to be there for Maengun. I would lay my life down for her without question. I want her to be safe, and happy. It is my wish to see her lips again carry the smile she wore in my arms last night. The smile forever burned into my memory.

Another Night at the Faire

Tonight... this morning has gone in a bad direction.

I invited the tribe to come out to the Darkmoon Faire and play Truth or Dare, a game I have enjoyed in the past and have not played in a while. It is a good way to learn more of my Brothers and Sisters, though often the dares asked of others are very lewd... fortunately, I have been spared such things. Though, I was asked to remove my clothing and approach one of the Faire's carnies, to give them a hug. The human I had found did not appreciate this gesture.

This gathering was good. But, I had decided to be fired from the cannon before I returned home for the night... I find excitement in the short flight. Unfortunately, the cannon had misfired this time, and I was shot headfirst into a tree. Blood poured from my nose, and I could not move my head without great pain in my neck. Aelandir was nearby, and summoned his flying machine to try to pull me from the tree. The attempt was unsuccessful, and I fell from the tree, onto my back... my shield. Aelandir appeared to have fallen from his flying machine, and I think I may have hit him as I fell.

He was able to mend my injuries, but I was told not to sleep for the next 2 hours. I have sat in my hut, writing to pass time. Pipiltin and Urukha's lifemating celebration is on Sunday night, and I had thought it good to prepare a story to tell. I am having difficulty finding the words I wish to say, though. My head hurts.

My Ideal Mate

At the end of our tribal meetings, we choose a single person among us and place them into what we call our "circle of questions." They are asked a single question by each person in the circle we stand in, and then are able to turn to one of us and pose a question of their own. Last night, I found myself being asked the final question, by Urukha.

"Describe your ideal mate."

This is not the first time that I have been asked a question like this, and it is something that I have not put very much thought into. Urukha once before had asked me a similar question, and a few days before, Annjia had asked me if I had a mate. I was once told by an elder shu'halo, that searching for a lifemate is something that is best to wait upon, and that I have my entire life before me. But, I have been told by others that perhaps I am in need of a mate, to care for me in my times of need, and to have a companion I may share my experiences with.

Last night, I was placed in a very uncomfortable situation, and did not have an answer ready to such a question. I tried to give an answer, but I was not sure if it was the true answer, or if it was complete. I have since slept upon the question and given more thought to it...

I suppose I must first be able to call my mate a friend. I must be able to trust her, to be by my side when I need her, and she must be able to put the same trust in me. She must be patient and understanding, for there are many things I still do not know, of the world and of myself. She should share my love of children, for it would give us both great joy when a child is born to us. Above all else, she must be kind towards myself, my friends, and my family.

These things I believe would allow me to live happily with the female I wish to call my mate. Though, I am again wondering when I will find her, or when she will find me. How will I know when we have found each other?

An Eventful Week

On Monday, I was approached by an orc claiming to be a Sergeant in the Horde army. I do not remember his name. He proceeded to accuse me of murder, and attempted to execute me on the spot. He might have been successful, if not for Nystia, Xhea, and Urukha coming to my aid, as well as a Pandaren stranger. I walked away with no more than a half-mended axe wound to my left shoulder, though Nystia was less fortunate. She had nearly died in an attempt to knock down my assailant; he retaliated swiftly and nearly cut her in two. Luckily, she survived just barely, and Urukha tended to her wounds. The orc is dead, I believe... he was no Sergeant. His actions were dishonorable and unjust - a real Sergeant would have brought me to his superiors. Urukha has told me that I must take care and give careful thought to who I trust.

I have never been able to mend myself or others fully with An'she's light, so I retreated to my hut for two days to tend to my wound. I grew restless, and called out to Nystia over the talisman, in hopes we could meet and talk over a drink in Orgrimmar. She was unable to do so, but allowed me to visit her at her home in Northrend, in the Grizzly Hills. We spoke of things we did in the time I was gone, and she gave to me a salve made of Zangarmarsh mushrooms that numbed the pain in my shoulder. She also allowed me to spend the night... I pray I did not intrude upon her and her mate. She claims that I owe her no debt, but I will forever remember her actions that saved my life.

At last night's meeting, I reintroduced myself to my family, and saw many new faces. Scynthe and Vivvienne introduced a new child to the tribe, born just a few days ago. I have, for a long time, found great joy in children... this world is full of much hardship and strife, and to see a child in all of its innocence warms my heart. It is my hope that soon I will find a mate, and begin a family... but I do not know when this will be. I asked them if I might hold their child, who is not named at this time. They allowed this, and Vivvienne placed the infant into my hands. As the tiny child rested on my fingers, I was able to truly appreciate this new life, and as such how fragile and delicate a life can be. I asked Scynthe and Vivvienne if I might be allowed to leave the child with the blessings of the Earth Mother and An'she; they granted me their permissions. I did so, and gave him a formal greeting before giving him back to his mother. It is a beautiful child, and I hope his life will be filled with good things.

Afterwards, I spoke with Urukha, telling her of my travels while she told me of things that happened in my absence. She asked me to check upon Nemeiah... which I had done earlier in the day, coincidentally. We spoke of the orc, and she offered her healing abilities to the tribe should they be needed. She also mentioned searching for the reason why speaking to the Light hurts her so, and finding a way to prevent it. I pray she is successful, and that this will not cause her any more needless harm. Despite this, Annjia and Urukha still do not speak to one another... it is not my place, but I wish they would talk and find a solution to whatever problem there is. I have not forgotten the incident from those months ago.

As the night came to an end, I was presented with one more familiar face... but I will write on this another time. There are things I must do now.

I Have Returned

Yesterday, after three long months, I have finally returned home, to my family, and my friends. It has been too long.

I returned to the Burning Ravine first... it was quiet, and nobody was to be found. I found a notice about a gathering later in the evening in the commons... a "night of debauchery," and went to my hut to find the clothing needed. My hut was just as it was when I departed. I found my robe and hat, a leather harness and loincloth I recieved from the Regent some time ago, then this journal. I wanted to write in it then and record what had happened to me while I was gone, but my desire to find someone and speak with them was greater. I changed into my robe and departed for Orgrimmar, to sit by the tree in the Valley of Honor.

I sat for some time, watching others pass by. It felt good to be in the city again, though now there are people in the city that look like bears. I learned later that they are called "Pandaren." I was eventually joined by Gren'mazi and Nemeiah, both of whom were very pleased to see me. The feeling was mutual. Gren'mazi wished to know what I had done in my time away, and Nemeiah expressed concern for my well-being. She said she had been to a place called "Pandaria" looking for someone, but afterwards spent some time there to admire the land - she says it is quite beautiful. I must go there sometime.

I attended the night of debauchery, eager to see my family again, and changed my clothing to the harness and loincloth I carried. The gathering was a contest to determine who was most appealing while wearing the least amount of clothing. I do not remember much of the night... there was a very tasty alcohol being served, and I know that I drank too much. I remember vague images of Jindal and Urukha doing things I did not expect of them, and the reactions of others towards something Urukha did while being judged. I also remember winning something, a tankard holding a strange rabbit-like creature. I do not know what it is called.

I also vaguely remember being in Orgrimmar while drunk, and talking with some people... I believe a pandaren and a goblin. I think Nemeiah was there, as well. I hope I did not do or say anything foolish in my drunken state. My head pounds still, even long into the day. I have not left the hut, and writing this has taken much effort. But I am still happy to be back with my family, despite the pain.

Departure

I have decided that I must train myself further.

I have spoken with Pipiltin and Urukha about this. While I do not feel shame or remorse for the things I should not, I feel as though I am... missing something. I wonder what else there is to know about myself, and An'she. Theran had taught me much, and my travels about the world had bestowed more knowledge upon me, but I cannot help but feel that there is more.

I will be meeting the other Sunwalkers in Thunder Bluff, and I wish to learn more from them, and hone my ability in combat and the defense of my family, and friends. I understand this will be difficult, and may take a long time. I will leave this journal in my hut, for the tribe to find should something should happen to me.

I will admit, I fear that with my departure, the Burning Tusks may disappear as my birth tribe had. I shall keep my talisman close to my heart, and pray that the An'she's gaze warms them and keeps a careful vigil so that I may return to them, stronger and able to protect them from harm.

Until ash.

Another View

I asked to speak with Urukha yesterday, as I still felt troubled, upset, and angry with Theran's attack, and death. I retold what had happened that night, and explained to her again who Theran was.

When I spoke of my anger at Theran for attacking Nemeiah without reason, and being unable to protect her, she first asked me, "Does a tree deserve to be struck by lightning?" Of course, it does not... Urukha said to me that Nemeiah was in the right place, but at the wrong time, I think... and that this might have happened to her even if I was not there.

However, I still felt at fault for being unable to communicate with Theran so long ago, when I thought the Stonecalf Tribe had met its end. Urukha reminded me that my presence, or my lack of presence, very well may not have had influence on these things, and I should not feel responsible for the first death of my mentor, or what had happened to him afterwards.

To my surprise, Urukha then asked me why I despaired. She brought two things I had not considered to light. First, the machines in Theran's body caused him great pain, and changed him into something he was not. By heeding his request to end his life, I also ended the suffering he had endured for these many moons. Second, while I failed to prevent harm from coming to Nemeiah, I had not stood by idly and allowed it to happen. I had done what I could to protect her, and it is likely that my actions did save her life. I remembered Nemeiah asking me not to be angered at myself for being unable to guard her, but at the time I was deafened to her request by shame. Shame that I understand now that I should not feel.

Knowing these things has lifted my spirit, and Urukha told me that what I had done that night was in service to the tribe, and to myself. I thanked her, and left to visit Theran's grave. On the way, I retrieved the greatsword he gave to me, from my hut. It now stands by his grave, an offering of thanks to him. I hold onto a ring of his in remembrance, and will wear it around my neck.

It is from the Earth Mother we shu'halo are born, and to her we will return. Farewell, my friend. May you walk with her in peace this time.

A Good Day

My day yesterday was long and accomplished. The tribe's crops are plentiful and healthy, and the Regent's study is tidy and organized. I still have not seen any trace of armadillo in the farm, despite Annjia's warning long ago. I wonder now if I have been fortunate to not have seen any, or if this concern is false.

Later, I went to the raptor pens to visit my raptor, and took it out to the plains to give it some practice and exercise. Together, we had come across another attack on a nearby camp by some quilboar, and aided in the defense of it. I believe my raptor is pleased. I have not found a name for my raptor, nor do I know if it is male or female. I shall speak with Zau'tal sometime, and ask about this. Perhaps this raptor has been named already?

I returned to the mesa where Pipiltin taught the tribe how to speak with the wind, to meditate further and speak with the wind, again. Later, Pipiltin would tell me that the wind spirits are mischievous, and my attempt at conversation is proof of this. Any questions I had were often met with vague answers, or more questions. There were numerous times when the wind tried to carry my hat away... as I think about it, I am reminded of Keikio, and how she had tricked me the first time we met.

At the end of this day, I came to Orgrimmar, satisfied with what I had done. I would find Pipiltin and Urukha under the tree, speaking about animal spirits... Urukha wishes to be bound to the spirit of the wolf. I think it is fitting - the wolf is a leader, and cares much for its pack, its family. She has always put the tribe first in her decisions, and would defend the tribe from harm even if it would put her at risk. Pipiltin asked if I had tried to speak with the other elements, then offered to show me where I might have ease speaking with the spirits of water. I look forward to this.

Then, Annjia brought news to me about Nemeiah - she had done something very hard, and was recovering at her home in Tyr's Hand. I shall make an attempt to visit Nemeiah soon. Strangely, Annjia was not wearing her armor... I asked if it had become damaged again, for that was the only other time I had seen her in plain clothing outside of the tribe's gatherings. This time, though, she said that it was too warm, and was dressed lightly because of the heat. I have not seen her do this before.

Annjia, Urukha, and the Burning Tusks

After the tribe's first lesson in spirit walking this past Sunday, I spoke with Pipiltin, and she had mentioned that Annjia no longer considered herself a friend of the Burning Tusks. I did not like to hear this, and was not aware that there was a problem between her and the tribe. I sought out Annjia, and found her in Orgrimmar two nights later.

At the risk of causing her grief or anger, I spoke of what Pipiltin told me two days ago. To my relief, Annjia did not become upset with me, and we talked about what has happened. It appears that Urukha and Annjia are at odds with one another. I would later learn from Urukha that Annjia had departed somewhere for a time, and felt she had changed after her return. Annjia refuses to speak of what she had done during her absence, and Urukha feels that this secret may threaten the Burning Tusks. I have not sensed a change in the way Annjia looks, or acts, but at the same time, I understand how Urukha feels. A number of horrible things have befallen the tribe in the past months, one of which I had fallen victim to. She wishes to keep the tribe safe while it is in her care... but... at the same time, I do not think Annjia and her secret is a threat to us. I do not know what to believe.

I have angered Urukha. She had believed that she made the decision that Annjia would not be a friend of the Burning Tusks, but last night, Pipiltin and I explained that we had spoken with Annjia about this, and that it was Annjia that had withdrawn on her own decision. Urukha became very angry, and left us. She would later speak to me in private though the talisman, and express her disappointment that I did not tell her about this. I feel I have hurt one I hold close enough to call sister. I became upset for angering her, but Pipiltin assured me that I am not at fault. She had assumed Urukha already knew about this, and Annjia told me to attend to my own matters, and worry not about this. Pipiltin believes that Urukha will soon forgive me for my mistake... I pray so.

Listening to the Wind

The tribe's first lesson in spirit walking was last night. Pipiltin led us through the lesson, and joining me in learning was Urukha, Zeyda'lei, Kazak'guul, and Maugus, an undead human warlock that has recently returned to the tribe after becoming wayward for some time.

We began by telling each other about what we do, or where we look for our power. I, of course, look to An'she and earn my abilities from his light, and from the spirits of my ancestors. Of the others, I learned that Pipiltin speaks with the spirits of the land in Winterspring. Urukha looks to her ancestors as well, and wishes to be bound to the spirit of the wolf. Zeyda'lei feels that she draws the power of light from within her heart, and Kazak'guul earns his abilities from his Loa, "the Bwon." I am disturbed, however, by Maugus's powers... he says power through fel is granted through pacts with demons, and by harvesting the spirits of the dead. The others seemed as shocked as I was at this, and Kazak'guul was clearly angered at this.

Pipiltin continued with the lesson after this. We were to be seated, and to relax however we felt most comfortable. I removed my helmet and gauntlets, to feel the grass and earth below me, and the wind around me. I closed my eyes, and breathed calmly, and to my surprise... I heard the wind laugh and speak to me. I do not know what I have done differently this time, but I am much more at ease now. Pipiltin offered to show me other places in the world where I may find it easier to commune with the elements, and I plan to travel to these places to meditate.

I think, maybe, that I was blessed with good fortune by the Holy Light. Prior to this lesson, I traveled to the Eastern Plaguelands in hopes of aiding the Argent Crusade in its cleansing of the land. I went to Tyr's Hand after this to visit Nemeiah, and found her with Annjia in the library. We spoke with each other briefly, and when I said I would be leaving, Nemeiah lent to me a string of beads that aided her in her prayers, as a token of good fortune. I held onto these beads during the lesson. Afterward, I wrote a letter to Nemeiah thanking her for allowing me to carry these, and asked her to tell me when she would be travelling to Kalimdor next so I may return them to her.

War

The tribe is at war, now, with the spirit of a mother worm. I have heard that the illnesses that befell some of my family, and were only recently cured, come from this spirit. It has been held at bay for now, but Urukha feels that this is not enough. We must lay this spirit to eternal rest, or else we may suffer further. Pipiltin will be training me, and others, as Spirit Walkers, to defend the tribe from dangers from the spirit realm.

I am worried. When I was only a calf, I attempted to learn the ways of the spirit world. I wished to be a shaman, like my mother, but as hard as I listened, I could not hear the spirits of the earth. Pipiltin assures me she will be able to teach me what I need to know to become a Spirit Walker, and I pray that our efforts will not be in vain. She has told me to do things to please An'she and the Earth Mother.

Tyr's Hand

Last night, I encountered Annjia in Orgrimmar. We spoke briefly, and were joined by Pipiltin. I had been searching for Urukha to ask if I may travel to Tyr's Hand now that Annjia tells me it is safe, and hoped that one of them might have seen her that day. Sadly, they knew as little of her whereabouts as I. Annjia stated she was leaving for Tyr's Hand and invited me to come, but I could not, not until I had spoken with Urukha. Fortunately, I would find her later that night and she would grant me permission to visit Tyr's Hand.

I had heard from Pipiltin that there was a restless worm spirit living in the Western Plaguelands, responsible for the illness the tribe had overcome only recently. I thought it prudent to borrow a wind rider from the tribe, and flew over Tirisfal Glades and the Western Plaguelands. I could not fly over the Eastern Plaguelands; the road to Tyr's Hand was as Nemeiah warned. As I came to a bridge, the air and clouds started to become thick, and the land was dying. The wind rider refused to continue past this point... I do not blame him for this. He agreed to stay by the river to wait for my return, and I travelled the road by foot.

My arrival in Tyr's Hand was relieving. The earth was still ill and Mu'sha's light could not touch us, but the air did not suffocate. Annjia and Nemeiah found me, and Nemeiah was quite pleased to see me - I received a hug. Unfortunately, Annjia could not stay, and returned home to deliver a package she carried. Nemeiah then led me around Tyr's Hand, showing me how she and the other members of the Argent Crusade lived. The buildings were large, and carried a certain kind of beauty, though they felt cold to me - I find more comfort in the huts often built by my people, from wood and animal skins, rather than the stone and cloth favored by the humans.

During her tour, Nemeiah showed me a library, though all of the books within were written in the humans' tongue, Common. She offered to translate anything she might think I would like. In return, later, I had offered her the tribe's help with tending to a garden she wished to grow behind the building she lived within, should they be willing to do this. She was surprised at this offer and thought it to be much too kind, but I thought it to be fair if she were to begin translating a book from her library for me.

New Visions

At last, the spirits of my ancestors have reappeared to me in my sleep. The messages and images were fleeting, but unfamiliar. What is clear is that I must travel south. I was shown a dense forest... perhaps Feralas? But, the elder I had seen atop Sky Father Spire pointed more towards Thousand Needles...

I must follow this vision... but alone, as I have in the past. I shall bring this journal with me, should my journey turn grim, and I will keep my talisman close to my heart.

Urukha and Pipiltin shall know of my departure. I do not know if... when... I will return, or where it is I am going, exactly. Time will tell. My ancestors are watching over me.

Urukha

Urukha is an orc in the Burning Tusk Tribe, and Pipiltin's mate. As I have written, we met first in Northrend at the jousting tournament, where I was first introduced to the Burning Tusks. She is a huntress, but like her mate, is also in tune with the spirits of the land.

Despite our differences in race, Urukha and Pipiltin are the closest things to siblings to me that anyone could ever come, as I had been born an only child. While I had not been drawn to her initially, with Pipiltin as my mentor I could often and easily find Urukha when Pipiltin was unavailable, usually under the tree in Orgrimmar. She would always be willing to listen to what I had to say, and to help me where it was needed. Over time we grew closer, enough for her to come up with a term of endearment for me, "Big K," a name which she calls me to this day.

For some time I was not sure of how close we were as friends... no, as family. This changed one night, however; Pipiltin had become gravely injured while helping the tribe find a cure for an illness, and to mend her, I believe I was told that Urukha had channeled some consciousness through Do'xian to do so... or was it the other way around? This resulted in Do'xian gaining some of Urukha's memories. I approached him following this and he turned to me on the verge of tears, to tell me I was just like a brother to him, something I had not ever seen him do before to anyone. When I had later revisited this memory with a rational mind, I realized that Do'xian spoke as though he was Urukha, and was I honored to find that an elder of the tribe considered me to be one of her own.

I have noticed that Urukha is very concerned with appearance, of her own and those around her. I found this strange at first, as she is missing an eye... I have seen many hide such injuries as this. However it was not until later that I learned she did wear an eye patch until Pipiltin insisted she remove it. I feel that this concern is silly. I have always seen clothing as a tool to protect one's body from the elements, and in recent times, to protect others' eyes from what they do not wish to see. I have never seen clothing or armor as more than this, however Urukha has insisted on clothing me in garments I normally would not wear. I will admit I feel foolish when she insists I wear something new, though the garments she gives to me manage to be very comfortable while satisfying her standards of appearance.

I do miss the hide vest I lost the night I traveled to Elwynn in my sleep... I wonder what has happened to it?

Violation

Some time ago, Urukha had warned me of temptations to be found in Silvermoon, when I had told her that I planned to visit the elven city on occasion to build a resistance to the stench of the arcane. Events of last night echo her warning, despite being in Orgrimmar the whole time, but I worry more of the discomfort these temptations may give me, rather than succumbing to them.

It began when I passed by, then turned to speak with Tywren in the Valley of Honor last night. We spoke of brother Westel's wedding tonight, and Westel himself came to us and joined our discussion. Later, we were joined by Keikio - it had been some time since I saw her last, after she had played a joke on me and made me feel very foolish. This time, however, there was talk of her looking to find a male, and I believe she had made an advance on me by pinching my rear. Again I had made a fool of myself; my shock caused me to jump forward and fall over, and this was met with laughter from the others around me. She would do this again later in the night, with a similar outcome.

I have noticed across many cultures that those in love do such things. I worry. I do not find myself attracted to Keikio as a lifemate. In fact, I have not felt such an attraction to one that is not shu'halo. I will admit I believe I have felt this way for sisters Saekwa and Onokwa, but I am unsure, and do not know if they would reciprocate my feelings. But I digress... if Keikio has fallen for me, I do not wish to harm her heart, as she is still family to me, but it would be foolish for us to be together as mates if I cannot return her affection.

Caelyssa joined us as Keikio left, and at some point asked Westel and I why were not doing something to celebrate the last night Westel would be not mated. I was not aware that such a celebration existed, and unfortunately the discussion would turn to me and how I kept my distance from activity my birth tribe would see as deviant. Westel insisted that I should be given a "lap dance," which I would later find out was a dance done by a female upon the lap of a male, meant to encourage mating. Caelyssa told me she would be willing to do this, and I became embarrassed and conflicted. I excused myself and walked for some time around Orgrimmar... were they serious? What would my ancestors think of this? I thought again of Keikio, and wondered if it may be possible that I might feel an attraction to blood elves.

I returned to Westel and Caelyssa, and told them that I was willing to do this. I was met with hesitation and surprise, but was led to a place by Westel and Zau'tal where we could do this. After a short wait for her to prepare, she began the dance. I was nervous and tense, and the fel scent on her spirit did not help to leave me at ease. When it ended, I was only left confused, and felt no attraction. Looking back, I feel... relieved, for now I have learned something absolute about myself. I can only hope, now, that I have not offended my ancestors. I pray for forgiveness now, if I have.

Discomfort

After our meeting last night, Pipiltin, Urukha, and I gathered as we usually do in the Regent's study after the tribe's weekly meeting. This is a time when the elders sit in wait to listen to the concerns of the tribe, and when I, as the tribe's head scribe, record the important things said during the meeting onto parchment to be kept safe for the future.

This night, as it would seem typical lately, was quiet. Only the three of us occupied the hut all night, and Urukha and Pipiltin discussed their matters while I focused on my work. My concentration would break, however, on a certain point of discussion: things we do when nervous or upset. Pipiltin attempted to conceal her feelings about something troubling her, but Urukha pointed out that when she did this, she would rub at her neck. Pipiltin became frustrated, but Urukha noted that many did such things, myself included. I was made aware that I tend to scratch at my mane behind my ear when I am troubled, and Urukha draws symbols in the air with her fingers when she is nervous or upset. I do not think I would have noticed these things if they were not said.

As the hour came to a close, Pipiltin began to speak of an endeavor they were working on, and procured a scroll. Intrigued, I asked what this was about, and she told me that Za had given her a scroll describing different positions two people could take. At first I had assumed she spoke of combat stances, to improve how one would defend themselves or fend off an attacker. To my surprise, it was a list of different ways two people could mate. She happily showed me the list and explained a number of them, but I could not look at the scroll, or her... I will admit that I am intrigued by the contents of the scroll, however I did not want to think of Pipiltin and Urukha in the act of mating. I was also made uncomfortable by the fact that I have not found a mate of my own, and wondered if this scroll is something I should have been looking at. I do hope I have not done something to disappoint or anger my ancestors...

As It Was... Almost

It feels like it has been too long since I have been able to sit by the tree in Orgrimmar and relax. Last night I did just this, and encountered Za sitting among some friends. He came over to me and dropped a bag of smoking herbs into my lap, which I took gratefully and with thanks. We began to discuss recent events, but then the interruptions began... I believe Za called it "happy hour," and likened it to the tide of the ocean rolling out and leaving refuse behind on the sand when it was once clean. In retrospect, I understand this comparison now.

Our topic was lost, so I had decided to smoke some of the herbs in my pipe while I waited for this happy hour to end. I realized I had no fire to burn the herbs with, and asked if anyone could do this. A goblin behind me offered me a box of matches, though they were much too small for me to use. He lit the pipe for me and I thanked him. He seemed a nice fellow, despite feeling the need to attach a device to his bow that would launch small animals... I do not understand to this day why goblins feel the need to disrespect the Earth Mother and her creatures.

Pipiltin arrived not much later, after I started to feel the calming effects of my herbs. She had been away from us to tend to some work to please her Loa. We briefly discussed what had happened since I had seen her last, and what the tribe planned to do in the coming days. Meanwhile, Pipiltin gave Za one of her popcorn balls, the ones she made with a secret mix of herbs. The herbs had a fast and quite noticeable effect on Za, as he began to insist the goblin's companion animal was able to talk and fetch drinks. To my surprise, the latter proved to be true, and the animal returned to him with a cup of frog venom brew, and slice of a lemon.

In the midst of this, Urukha came to us, though she did not have much to speak of, and fell asleep on her mate's lap not long after her arrival. I had spoken with her earlier in the evening; her voice over the talisman lacked emotion and she seemed troubled. Having not seen her in the days since the incident at Storm Peaks, I had hoped that having her see me in good health would lift her spirits. Unfortunately, it would seem that it only irritated her. I asked if there was something I could do to help her with, but she asserted that there was nothing I could do. I wonder what is troubling her?

Peace

I cannot recall the last time I had looked forward to sleep as much as I had, or feeling as though I had been reborn in the night.

Yesterday, Annjia warned not to go to Tyr's Hand... I was not certain, but she appeared to be covered in blood and entrails. I thanked her and retreated to search for some peace, to Urukha's dismay. Today, Urukha called upon me to speak of matters regarding Annjia and Nemeiah, and forbade me outright from going. Around this time, she appeared again, behind Urukha. She took the form of Pipiltin, and stared. She said nothing, and started to sharpen an axe. Urukha grabbed my attention again and Pipiltin... no, the val'kyr... disappeared. Shortly after, though, she appeared again and descended upon the pond we had stood by, a bow and arrow in her hand. She took aim, and fired... I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and I collapsed.

Urukha called for help, and Pipiltin answered swiftly. Pipiltin said she could feel a strong spirit within the pendant, and the three of us flew on her drake to Winterspring. She performed some kind of ritual to draw this spirit from the necklace... the voices and apparitions ceased, though I could see it took a toll on her. We were brought back to the Ravine through the talisman's summoning magic, and Urukha made sure, again, that I safely made it into a bed in the Commons.

Once again, I am thankful to be surrounded by others willing to ensure I am safe. I do hope I am not becoming a burden...