I asked to speak with Urukha yesterday, as I still felt troubled, upset, and angry with Theran's attack, and death. I retold what had happened that night, and explained to her again who Theran was.
When I spoke of my anger at Theran for attacking Nemeiah without reason, and being unable to protect her, she first asked me, "Does a tree deserve to be struck by lightning?" Of course, it does not... Urukha said to me that Nemeiah was in the right place, but at the wrong time, I think... and that this might have happened to her even if I was not there.
However, I still felt at fault for being unable to communicate with Theran so long ago, when I thought the Stonecalf Tribe had met its end. Urukha reminded me that my presence, or my lack of presence, very well may not have had influence on these things, and I should not feel responsible for the first death of my mentor, or what had happened to him afterwards.
To my surprise, Urukha then asked me why I despaired. She brought two things I had not considered to light. First, the machines in Theran's body caused him great pain, and changed him into something he was not. By heeding his request to end his life, I also ended the suffering he had endured for these many moons. Second, while I failed to prevent harm from coming to Nemeiah, I had not stood by idly and allowed it to happen. I had done what I could to protect her, and it is likely that my actions did save her life. I remembered Nemeiah asking me not to be angered at myself for being unable to guard her, but at the time I was deafened to her request by shame. Shame that I understand now that I should not feel.
Knowing these things has lifted my spirit, and Urukha told me that what I had done that night was in service to the tribe, and to myself. I thanked her, and left to visit Theran's grave. On the way, I retrieved the greatsword he gave to me, from my hut. It now stands by his grave, an offering of thanks to him. I hold onto a ring of his in remembrance, and will wear it around my neck.
It is from the Earth Mother we shu'halo are born, and to her we will return. Farewell, my friend. May you walk with her in peace this time.