Rage

Words cannot describe the anger I am feeling. But I do not like it.

Pipiltin is dead, murdered by the Kor'kron. Others in my family have been attacked by Garrosh's armies, I have heard, and the rumors of other innocents falling victim to them is also true. Gren'mazi has closed his shop in Bloodhoof Village, for fear of his safety, and Rhezzaka's. Urukha has declared war upon the Kor'kron... she is not well. I watched her break just the other night, laughing and crying without control. When asked what I might do to help, she had told me just this:

"Kill. Kill them all."

I believe that the spirits wish to fuel my rage further... I was brought to Camp Taurajo by a shaman I met in Thunder Bluff just last night. My birth tribe had come to this post in the past to trade, in times when we could not support ourselves. It was a peaceful rest, from what I had remembered... but now it is in ruin. I was told that Alliance forces laid waste to the camp after the Shattering happened... I do not know why. It was only a trading post. I lost control of myself, and loosed my rage upon some humans patrolling the ruins. How dare they tread that ground.

I do not know if it is right, but I no longer feel it matters if it is not: those that are harming the innocent must know the pain they leave. I have spoke to Maengun on these matters... and she is willing to help any way she can. I have told her to stay away from Orgrimmar unless it is absolutely necessary, and that she may do as she wishes with any Kor'kron soldier she finds. To know she will help me calms me, even if only a little...

Today, I leave my shield here, and wield the sword left for my by Theran. If I am to show the honorless the pain they have caused to the innocent, a shield will only serve to get in my way.

Until ash.

Another View

I asked to speak with Urukha yesterday, as I still felt troubled, upset, and angry with Theran's attack, and death. I retold what had happened that night, and explained to her again who Theran was.

When I spoke of my anger at Theran for attacking Nemeiah without reason, and being unable to protect her, she first asked me, "Does a tree deserve to be struck by lightning?" Of course, it does not... Urukha said to me that Nemeiah was in the right place, but at the wrong time, I think... and that this might have happened to her even if I was not there.

However, I still felt at fault for being unable to communicate with Theran so long ago, when I thought the Stonecalf Tribe had met its end. Urukha reminded me that my presence, or my lack of presence, very well may not have had influence on these things, and I should not feel responsible for the first death of my mentor, or what had happened to him afterwards.

To my surprise, Urukha then asked me why I despaired. She brought two things I had not considered to light. First, the machines in Theran's body caused him great pain, and changed him into something he was not. By heeding his request to end his life, I also ended the suffering he had endured for these many moons. Second, while I failed to prevent harm from coming to Nemeiah, I had not stood by idly and allowed it to happen. I had done what I could to protect her, and it is likely that my actions did save her life. I remembered Nemeiah asking me not to be angered at myself for being unable to guard her, but at the time I was deafened to her request by shame. Shame that I understand now that I should not feel.

Knowing these things has lifted my spirit, and Urukha told me that what I had done that night was in service to the tribe, and to myself. I thanked her, and left to visit Theran's grave. On the way, I retrieved the greatsword he gave to me, from my hut. It now stands by his grave, an offering of thanks to him. I hold onto a ring of his in remembrance, and will wear it around my neck.

It is from the Earth Mother we shu'halo are born, and to her we will return. Farewell, my friend. May you walk with her in peace this time.

Failed

Theran is dead now, by my hand.

He came upon me and Nemeiah in Orgrimmar, and proceeded to attack her. He was acting much like he had when I saw him last in Thunder Bluff. I tried, but failed to guard Nemeiah from harm... Theran punched her hard in the face, and then broke her leg. I became enraged. Nemeiah had done nothing to him, or me, to deserve this, so I swung my hammer at him, and knocked him into the pond.

A friend of Nemeiah's came to her aid, and suggested I find a druid, or shaman to tend to Nemeiah's injuries - An'she's light and the Holy Light would mend her wounds, but also cause her great pain. Fortunately, Etamalgren was nearby. While he tended to Nemeiah, Theran crawled from the pond, dazed. Smoke poured from the door on his back. I approached him, still angry. I wanted him to pay for what he had done... but... I did not expect him to ask me to end his life. He regained his senses again, for the moment, and said that he felt his time had come.

I have brought his body to the tribe's graveyard, and asked Kazak'guul to lay him to rest. Nemeiah has said she will pray for him, for the Light to soothe his spirit. I pray as well, that the Earth Mother will have mercy on him, and that he returns to her.

I do not know how I feel, now. I am upset, for I am responsible for the death of one I had called brother, one who has helped me to become who I am today. But, I am still angry, at him for his actions, and myself, for my inaction. I failed to protect my friend from harm... she could have been killed and I would not have been able to save her.

Dark Iron

I had written last week that Nystia had met me at the pond in Thunder Bluff, where we had conversed about Sunwalkers and paladins. At a certain point in our conversation, we were joined by Theran, who had happened to be nearby. I was happy to see my former mentor, and the three of us began to converse about a topic I cannot quite remember, but around this time is where I noticed something wrong.

I had known Theran as a kind, though strict, bull. He reminded me of a training exercise he put me through, where I was to create a hammer built from An'she's rays and throw it at a target - an important skill to hone, as this hammer explodes in a flash of light on whomever it hits, dazing them for a short time. Theran said that he found a way to make the hammer explode brilliantly, and then laughed about it afterwards, amused. This unsettled me; I did not think of Theran to be the type to find amusement in his powers. Then, suddenly, he became violent and irritable at Nystia, insisting that he was not a "robot" and that she should respect her elders.

The fight was brief - Nystia and I were able to subdue him before the nearby braves could react, though Theran had broken Nystia's nose. She tied him up and I mended her wound. While tying him up, we noticed something strange on Theran's back; I removed his breastplate to inspect closer, and found that it was a small metal door. When we had opened it, I was met with a disturbing sight... inside of him were strange machines. I became distraught - someone, or something, had changed my friend, my mentor, in a horrible way... he was no longer the bull I met those many moons ago.

Before we could inspect this, Theran was awakened, and shielded the opening with a protective shell of light - despite this bastardization, Theran could still call upon An'she's light. Keeping the door open appeared to cause him great pain, and the machines inside began to grind and wail. He said something about us touching his "medicine," but I do not understand what he meant. Nystia could not understand what was happening any better than I could, so I called out to the tribe over the talisman. Ura responded, and met us to move Theran and inspect him closer. Sadly, she also could not tell us what had happened to him, in the short time she could open the door without causing him pain.

While we were moving Theran, he had awoken, and uttered my name. Again, something was not right. I looked at him, and saw fear in his eyes. It was also present in his voice. He started to tell me of this fear, but shortly after, he seemed to change again, to the bull we had fought outside, and again spoke of his "medicine." I am certain that Theran, the bull I know, is in that body somewhere. Nystia mentioned something about "Dark Iron" after we had left him to sleep... I must find out what this means. I will speak with Nystia next time I can.

Dazed

Thursday night began a long string of surreal events. It is over, but I am still confused.

As I had written before, I had been officially accepted as a member of the tribe on Thursday night, at our tribal meeting. I am honored that the tribe considers me to be one of their own, to know that there are others willing to lay their lives down for me if need be. I am willing to do the same for these people... my family. I must consult with someone on finding the best way I can do this.

When the meeting ended, I was transformed into a rabbit. I do not know how... perhaps there was someone with one of the branches I had found in a Noblegarden egg? Because of this, I was unable to assist our tribe with the expedition into Blackrock Mountains, or Valtirus and Blanche with their research. Blanche had said that my altered form would last for just an hour, but I did not return to my natural form when I expected to. It was not until the next evening that Aevelina and Scynthe would find me in Bloodhoof Village, where Scynthe would quickly solve my problem. It was painful to me, as his power is fel-based, but he quickly offered me a stone that quelled the pain quickly. I did not feel any ill effects from it.

After this, I had retrieved the stone and flowers I had gathered for Theran's grave, and visited Kazak'guul at our burial grounds. The witch doctor could not find Theran's spirit, which told him that my mentor was still alive. I smiled and thanked him, but I was hiding my confusion. I was happy to hear that Theran was alive... but... I had seen him dead with my own eyes, and laid him to rest with my own hands. What had happened? I could not find an answer. My head spun, and I finally succumbed to my urge to drink.

I do not remember the rest of that night very well, the firewater clouds my memory. I do know that I had actually encountered Theran at the bonfire in Bloodhoof Village, and he appeared to have answers to my confusion and questions. I have a feeling I had made a fool of myself, however...

Theran Sunhammer

Before I knew of the Burning Tusks, I had sought out family in Mulgore upon returning to the Barrens and being unable to find my birth tribe. I was accepted into the Stonecalf Tribe, and it was there that I met Theran. He was an elder Sunwalker, and as I have said before, my former mentor. During my time with the Stonecalves, Theran personally taught me many things about An'she, and my power, that I did not know. With his aid I was able to realize my potential and work towards it more clearly; I was gifted an ornate, yet effective greatsword, for my progress. It is in my care to this day.

He was a kind bull, but very strict and honor-bound. I was once reprimanded by him for walking around Orgrimmar without my vest; he was afraid that I would dishonor the Stonecalves by showing my body. I did not understand why he thought this at the time, but now I see why, especially after seeing the reactions of those around me when I had lost most of my clothing in Elwynn Forest, and I had returned to the orc city to find a Burning Tusk. There are too many that think one's body is something to be hidden.

My greatest regret is that I had lost contact with Theran following the disappearance of the Stonecalf Tribe. It wasn't until a month ago that I would see him again... dead. I had returned to the Stonecalves' home in the mountains surrounding Mulgore, as I usually do to see if anyone had decided to do the same. I found an orc and two goblins there, and while apprehensive at first, I noticed they stood around his body, performing a Shu'halo death ritual for him. My heart grew heavy... Urukha and Kazak'guul have both told me that I should not feel so, as my presence may not have saved him. But I still wish I had spent a little more time with him, as I cannot now. His brothers-in-arms and I had laid his body to rest at Red Rocks, and his spirit appeared before us. I was thanked for being there, even if only for a little time.

Recalling these events burdens my heart again, and I must gather things for Theran's grave at the tribe's burial ground. I had visited his grave finally, but his body was missing. I am puzzled, and I wonder if Kazak'guul has found his spirit yet. The urge to drink grows stronger... I must meditate. Alcohol would only numb my sadness for a short time. An'she, I pray to you to grant me the strength I need to carry this weight on my heart.

The Witch Doctor, Kazak'guul

I was unaware that our tribe housed a troll witch doctor, named Kazak'guul. I met him proper yesterday at the dedication of the tribe's burial grounds, which he was apparently responsible for building. He seems to be a kind troll, though he emits an unsettling aura, and his gaze seems to pierce my being.

He is adamant about caring for the spirits of the dead, and seems to have no qualms with tearing someone apart who might disturb them. I watched him become quite restless at our tribal meeting, when Valtirus said something that suggested doing research involving the dead, and Kazak'guul threatened him before Valtirus corrected himself and made it clear he did not plan to do such a thing.

Urukha had supplied me with a jug of rum yesterday as we approached the gates of this hallowed ground, for dedication to the witch doctor's "loa," their word for ancestral spirits. We were assured that this was merely a token of gratitude in good faith, and not a sign of dedication to the spirit. I believe he called him "Bwon Samdee." I should be sure of this, as I do not wish to invoke Kazak'guul's anger due to ignorance.

After the dedication, I spoke with the witch doctor and learned of the "loa" and the significance of what myself and the others had done within the burial ground. Curious, I asked him if he was able to commune with the spirits of the dead... I am still troubled by Theran's passing, and I have been unable to pay my respects to him in the way I wish I could. He told me to return later with something of significance to the spirit.

We met later that night. I had brought my greatsword with me, the weapon Theran had given me as a gift, for realizing my potential as a Sunwalker under his watch. I explained to Kazak'guul that I wished to construct a memorial to Theran, and let his spirit know personally that I was doing this. Kazak'guul said he would seek out Theran's spirit, and was honored that I asked him to do the task. He will see within the next few days, when he locates Theran.

My friend... I am sorry I have not been able to be there for you, even in death. I shall visit your grave at Red Rocks next time I am in the Ravine.